kids are snotty.

Okay, so.  This was snack time on a Tuesday…

Daniel took this plastic bag out of his backpack and asked, “Can I eat my own snack today?”  I told him yes, without really thinking about it.  See, I went and assumed that it was just left overs from his lunch.  It wasn’t until about five minutes later, I realized he had just inhaled a bag of Swedish fish and a bag a peach rings.

[Side note: When you let kids you’re watching eat candy, it’s basically suicide.  Unless it’s sugar free, of course.]

So, there was that.  Because of this, Paul would yell, loudly, to every other kid that walked in, “Daniel’s so lucky today!  He got candy for a snack!”  It was like the damn sugar from the candy had somehow made its way into the air and had gotten to them all.

Eventually, my whole group of Pre-K & Kindergarten boys had to be broken up and had to sit with their heads down at separate tables.

So, Sabrina walks in.  She, without a beat, points to Keaton and yells, “He attacked me!”  She is still standing in the doorway, with her backpack on.

My response, “Uh…what are you talking about, Sabrina?”

Her answer, “Today, during lunch time, he said something mean to me and, and…” BURSTS INTO TEARS.  [All the while, Keaton is doing everything he can to prove to me it wasn’t him.]

So, I say, “Sabrina, do you guys even have lunch together?  You’re not in the same grade.”

She says, “Well, um.  It was a boy that looked like Keaton…”

[Take a breath.]

My 3rd & 4th graders show up.  This is usually my sigh of relief.  Most of the time, they’re my best behaved and can really help with the little ones.

Not today.

Mike walks in and throws his binder down on the table.  [Keep in mind, Mike is probably at least two of me, size wise.]  Stomps his angry self to get his snack and then throws that down on the table as well.  His juices busts open.  He tries to get another one and when I tell him that he cannot, he cries.  Second kid to cry and it’s only 3:00.  Great.

The rest of the day was so-so.  I got lots of summer camp planning done.  Thanks in big part to the help my older kids entertaining my younger ones for with games.

As a side note, Bob told me today that he never wants me to not be his Extended Day teacher.  Little things like that really do sometimes make the job way worth it.

Last Friday sucked so much that I didn’t even want to tell you about it.

Today is the beginning of the last two weeks of school.  I’m going to really dislike these kids for the next couple weeks.  But, I’ll also bet you any amount of money I’m going to be really sad Thursday, May 27th.

The next two days are full of summer camp meetings.  I will make sure to update you my kiddos and let you know about the fun new camp kids I meet!

So, today…

Sabrina, Keaton and Jack were in war.  I mean three sides to this demon.  Here’s an example of just one of my tattle-tale events today:

Sabrina: Jack cut my homework!
Jack : But, but, but Sabrina cut mine first!  [Jack holds up a perfectly sliced piece of 1st grade math homework.]
Sabrina: I diiiiiiiiiid noooooot do thaaaaaat.

I realize it’s absolute bullshit that she did not do “thaaaaaat”.

After that fight is resolved I hear this…

Keaton:  Sabrina keeps trying to look at my book!
Keaton:  Now Jack is trying to look!
Me:  Hey, Keaton, put that book away and pick one of ours to read.
[Silence for about four-six minutes.]
Sabrina:  Keeeeeeatooooonnnnnnn.  Leave me alone!
Keaton:  I didn’t do annnnnnythinggggg.
Jack:  Sabrina made me tear my homework and then Keaton ate it!
Me:  Are you three kidding me?  What happened?

Keaton’s version of the story:  Well, Sabrina made me eat paper because she said she would take my library book and tear it in half.
Sabrina’s version on the story:  Keaton and Jack told me to tear out the pages that made them mad!
Jack’s version of the story:  My mom works all the time and she will be mad that you guys are made at me.  My mom will kick your ass!

Anyone want to trade jobs anytime soon? 

I’m really good at my job.  Like, really good.  I’m not trying to brag and I don’t think it’s conceited to think that.  It’s just a simple fact.  The problem is, I don’t particularly like my job at all.

I run an after school program at an elementary school.  I have 14 kids, ranging from 4 years old to 11 years old.  They drive me absolutely insane, but I love them.  I’d do anything for these kids and I wish I could work with in some other sort of capacity.  But alas, I have to be homework helper, tutor, mentor, disciplinarian and buddy.

These are my kiddos (names have been changed to protect them (and my job), of course:

Tanya - 5th grade - She is one of the brightest children I have ever met.  The absolute definition of a gifted & talented child.  She is, however, very spoiled and doesn’t usually get in trouble.  So, when she does, the entire world has ended for her.

May - 4th grade - I’ve known her for quite a few years now.  I can still never guess how May will react to a situation or handle a problem.  If one person says one thing that irks her, she’ll shut down for the rest of the day.  On the other hand, she can be one of the most helpful children I’ve ever known.  She’s ridiculously funny and doesn’t even realize it.

Mike - 4th grade - Mike will grow up and play football. He’s twice the size of any other child I have.  He’s not overweight, just big.  He’s a meat head, already.  I can only hope he grows out of the crybaby thing before he hits junior high.

Wayne - 4th grade - He thinks he is a lot smarter than he is.  Wayne is abullshiter.  I only believe about half of what he tells me, because it’s just so obviously bullshit.  Example: I caught a bird by holding out a worm yesterday.  Then I took it inside and my mom made it for dinner.

David - 3rd grade - He’s a little shit.  He’s too smart for himself and he knows it.  He loves sports more than any other kid I’ve ever known.  (We have a long standing Mavs vs. Lakers argument.  He’s the Lakers fan.)  Lately, something in him has triggered terrible behavior.  He laughs in my face when I tell him to stop talking or messing around.  It bugs me.

Sarah - 3rd grade - She is hilarious.  Most teachers and staff members don’t know it, though.  She’s terribly quiet.  I feel so lucky that she can be so open and so herself when she’s with the group.  Sarah is also David’s girlfriend.

Adam - 2nd grade - I know I’m not supposed to say this, but I really, really dislike this kid.  You can’t get him to follow directions.  He’s not scared of anything.  No discipline works.  His parents don’t give two shits, either.  This one of those things that is just part of the job.  Bleh.

Keaton - 2nd grade - I don’t know him very well yet.  He’s only been with us for about 2 weeks.  He talks too much and thinks he never does anything wrong.  He seems pretty smart, but also pretty conniving.

Sabrina - 1st grade - She is super adorable, but even more sneaky.  She has to get her way or she’ll invent outlandish stories about other students to try to get them in trouble.  I can’t wait to share some of these.  They’re beyond excellent.

Jack - 1st grade - This kid can do nothing wrong in his mother’s eyes.  This problems with this are as follows: 1. His mother is batshit crazy.  Jack’s teacher, L, and I have conversations all the time about just how looney she is.  2. He doesEVERYthing wrong.  He is loud during homework time.  He can’t control himself.  Jack does not know how to listen, AT ALL.

Bob - Kindergarten - Bob is absolutely one of the best kids I’ve ever met.  He is funny, sweet, caring.  Everything you’d want your kid to be, he is.  Just add in way too much cuteness and a pretty big touch of mischievous attitude.  That’s Bob!

Aaron - Kindergarten - He has this strange New York accent that none of his family shares.  One day he told be his favorite food was a “bew-ger”.  I told him that was gross.  He told me, “Nooooo.  A cheese-bew-ger.”  Aaron is Sarah’s little brother.

Daniel - Pre-Kindergarten - Super cute.  He remembers everything.  For the first half of the school year, he had everyone convinced our excellent custodian was his cousin.  They still call each other cuz.

Paul - Pre-Kindergarten - Everyone thinks Paul is the cutest thing ever.  I think he’s snotty and spoiled.  He can barely talk and he really gets under my skin.  So do his parents.

Kevin - Pre-Kindergarten - Story teller.  That’s the only way to describe him.  He’skind of a cry baby, but he’s sweet.  His stories crack me up.  I’m sure you’ll love him.

Those my kids.  Some days they make me really, really mad, but I love them.  We’re our own little motley crowd.  :)